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Shit, you woke up at , meditated for 30 minutes, reviewed your quarterly and yearly “goals” for another 30 minutes, and slurped on a delicious Soylent shake while checking daily retention trends. Who the fuck thinks of these stupid fucking questions?

You try to make me feel bad because I woke up at 6AM.

In all its lacquered glory and its tarnished failures.

I didn’t know what we would leave the woods with, but I do now.

Boyfriends and girlfriends have come and gone, but my friends with benefits have stood the test of time. That’s longer than I predict my first marriage will last.