— Most laptops are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization. ‘Go get your Mother’ * * * * CATHOLIC SCHOOL Little Susie was not the best student in Catholic School . One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping. ’ When Susie didn’t stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear. A little later the Nun asked Susie, ‘Who is our Lord and Saviour? Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck her in the butt. Kennedy International airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator. — If you start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son….. The Nun said, ‘Very good’ and continued teaching her class.. And the Nun once again said, ‘Very good,’ and Susie fell back asleep.. ‘What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child? This time Susie jumped up and shouted, ‘If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I’ll break it in half! * * * * WEAPONS OF MATH INSTRUCTION A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. — Partnering police officers with their total opposites will always, eventually, lead to buddy teams who share unbreakable bonds and gruff affection. “Yes, we can do this for you.” The couple asks, “Well, as we have spent so much time together waiting for your answer, we need to know that if things don’t work out, is there a possibility that we can be divorced? Peter answers, “It took me six months to find a priest up here — how long do you think it will take me to find a lawyer? KARATE CHOP A huge guy walks into a bar, approaches a little guy and karate chops him in the back. But we can give you twice as many small balls for the same price. ‘They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.’ They use secret code names like “X” and “Y” and refer to themselves as “unknowns” but we have determined that they belong to a Common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every Country.
— A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out.
” “Well, the man’s brain was in a jar on my desk, but I suppose he could have still been practicing law for a living.” * * * * WHAT WE LEARN FROM THE MOVIES — It is always possible to park directly in front of any building you are visiting. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.
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In spite of all the grim news, there’s always room for some humor. * * * * HEAVENLY MARITAL HELP Betty and Tim die in a car accident on the eve of their wedding. When the little guy gets up, the huge guy says, “That was a karate chop from Korea.” A little later, the huge guy walks back over to the little guy and karate chops him in the back. As the Greek philosopher Isosceles used to say, “There are 3 Sides to every triangle.” When asked to comment on the arrest, President Obama said, “If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes.” White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President.