dating ancient objects - Gottman validating communication


Research indicates you can get mad as hell or avoid conflict altogether.

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There should be, however, a much higher ratio in a relationship of calm and satisfying moments to fighting moments. John Gottman has discovered that this magic number is a ratio of 5 to 1.

In other words, there must be at least 5 positive interactions for every 1 negative interaction. According to Gottman's research with married, heterosexual couples, he found that couples tend to fall into one of four styles of problem-solving, three that are healthy and one that is not.

Conflict-avoiding couples tend to be acutely aware of where areas of independent functioning overlap into areas where cooperation and negotiation are required.

They prefer to establish crisp and well-delineated boundaries and prize independent functioning.

First of all, there’s no such thing as a flawless relationship, simply because there’s no such thing as a flawless person. Who would want to live in a world where everyone is the same?